


glass

by fictionalrobin



Series: trans!magnus [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Dysphoria, Fluff, Gen, Insecurity, M/M, Malec, Mental Health Issues, Sad, Trans Character, Trans Magnus Bane, Trans Male Character, and other fun stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 01:52:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12266478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalrobin/pseuds/fictionalrobin
Summary: I listened to Cut My Hair by Mounika (feat. Cavetown aka my dad) while feeling dysphoric, and decided to project my feelings onto Magnus.trigger warnings: major Dysphoria warning, hints of depression, self hate and anxiety as well(there's some fluffy malec at the end or whatever...)





	glass

The bathroom mirror is covered in a thick layer of steam, turning the reflection into a white blurry echo of the world. He wipes a square free with a towel, and small droplets make their way down the side of the glass. 

A square in the whiteness, like a tiny window in to the truth. 

The lung-crushing truth. 

He stands still, the towel wrapped tightly around his torso and those things on it. A sharp pain, like a jolt of electricety, shots through his heart, and he scruches up the damp fabric, as it spreads to the back of his throat. 

He sighs as he stares at the stranger through the window, the one with a soft and round face, long eyelashes and pouty pink lips. 

She's pretty. 

But when he blinks, she blinks, and it's terrifying. 

The waterdrops on her skin look like tears, and maybe they are, but he doesn't have time to ask, because a loud banging on the door interups him. 

"JOYCE HURRY THE HELL UP!" 

He flinches, for more than one reason, and gathers himself. 

"….s-sorry," the voice feels small and way to high for his throat. 

He lets out another sigh, which only makes the lightning in his chest grow stronger, and exits the cave of steam. 

Catarina is waiting outside. 

Did he do something wrong again? People tented to look like that when he did something wrong. 

"i love you, but jesus christ how long does it take you to shower?" she ruffles his wet hair, so it tickles his shoulders "you stupid wet rat." 

there's affection in her voice, and it makes the hole in his stomach shrink a little. 

He smiles, a tiny tired smile, and begins to walk towards their shared bedroom, only to be stopped by Catarina 

"hey," something in her voice is different, something scary and serius, "are you okay?" 

A thousand images and sentences of pain and tears fly through his head 

"y-yeah" he mutters weakly, swallowing the thick ball of guilt in his throat 

"it's just, you've been so quite recently – i mean more than usually of course, which by the way is weird cuss you weren't like this when i met you, well i mean you were but not really, and-" she cuts herself off 

"please, Joy. Talk to me" she places both hands on his shoulders, forcing him to met her determined expression. 

Something about her tone, makes the hole in his stomach grow, until it reaches his throat, choking him. 

He hesitates, drops slidding down the side of his face, and this time they really are tears, before quickly turning away, speedwalking for the bedroom. 

He ignores Catarina's calls for him, cursing himself for being so fucking stupid and weak, why are you crying you worthless piece of shit. 

The voice in his stomach chews on his lungs and heart, and with a pathetic sob he sinks into his bed, glaring angry daggers at the crying girl in the mirror. 

\- 

Magnus stands in front of the mirror. Early morning sun shoots through the window, dancing across his naked chest, and the tiny scars on it. 

They're barely there. You can only see them if you look really closely for a long time. 

And it is a long time – since he got them that is. Exactly 50 years actually. He smiles slighty, a hint of sadness breaking through. It dissapears when a pair of arms wrap around him. 

"what are you doing?" Alec's voice is soft from sleep, and slighty muffled as he buries his face in Magnus's neck, swaying them both lightly in a comforting manner. 

"nothing," He's still looking at the mirror. Looking at himself talking and smilling. Looking at himself.

And Alec of course 

Speaking of Alec, he's softly dragging Magnus backwards towards their bedroom, humming softly into his skin. He let's himself be dragged, smilling at his sleepy lover, as they both stumble into bed, content wrapped up, and okay, far away from windows and strangers.

**Author's Note:**

> i might make a sequel, but only if you ask nicely
> 
> (also what the fuck is up with the lack of trans!magnus fics!? feel free to toss me some trans!magnus prompts)


End file.
